just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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