My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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