I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it penis luge time yet?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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