The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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