New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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