Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
