You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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