Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
