trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
