we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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