she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How external is "for external use only"?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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