i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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