Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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