even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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