she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
