we made out on top of his cat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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