imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
