Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
