My hand turned me down
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
