they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
