From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
