he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
