I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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