i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
