somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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