I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
