Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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