when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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