Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
