just come out here and I will go home with you...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
