im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
