I just threw up on my dentist
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's always time for handjobs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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