If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
