Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
