i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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