My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
