So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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