My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
