All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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