youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
