I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
