theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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