i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
