just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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