everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
