You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
