and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
