Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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