just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to sanitize my soul.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
