Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
